hEAR mE rOCK

As I was watching MTV, I realized the introduction to MADE is probably the best reference to what my generation is about.

We all wanna be faster, stronger, cooler, thinner, fattter, taller, shorter, smarter, richer, closer…. better

I like to think of it as the -er factor. It’s was drives us to change our habits and lifestyles. Whatever our current state is, we always want to be one step further.

The blog address actually came from this idea. LiveLouder. I remember in high school all the Christians wanted to “Live out loud.” I want to live loud. I want my life to have a voice and I want that voice to be heard. I want that voice to be a voice that’s God given. I don’t just want it to be loud. I want it to be louder.

Louder than the static the rest of world can bring. Louder than the fakers, the cynics, the opposers and the critics.  I want it to be louder than my fear and speak out in faith.  Loud enough to shake the planet.

I can be louder by allowing God to speak. My voice is nothing more than a squeak. But God’s voice is the one that calms the storms. With his voice he created the heavens and the earth, and with that same voice, he called out to me.

I want to live louder, grow stronger, be smarter, draw closer, stand taller, and listen better. After falling harder, I want to get up faster. I want to be better until I become my best…..

On a small side note, I would like to ask for a moment of silence for Rufus. My nephew learned of the death of his beloved beta fish last night. Unfortunately, Blake didn’t understand why it was Rufus’ time to go, and he was really torn up by the fact we flushed him down the toilet. He couldn’t even watch.  Rest in peace in the big blue sea, Rufus.

On Sunday, an issue from my past pushed things out of control.

I have always been really open about my struggle with alcohol and my partying past. But there has been more to my past that I’ve hidden. No one knew. I never thought I needed to share it because I thought had it under control. However, I discovered I never really dealt with the issue -I just suppressed it. I was ashamed. I felt completly crushed under the guilt of the addiction.

I wasn’t expecting this attack from my past. I had been knocked down and yesterday I didn’t feel like getting up. My mind was racing. I was praying, but I couldn’t find any relief.

Then I realized what God was trying to tell me. I kept this part of my past in the dark, but it was time to put it into light…
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9.

God called me out of darkness, and it was time for me to come out of the darkness completely. I was tired of battling alone, and I went to a friend. I let go of a secret I kept so hidden, and almost immediately, I felt relieved. I wasn’t ashamed. I was honest.

 My last blog was about the process. This was part of MY process. God is working to purify me. Stripping down everything that keeps me from him. I needed to let God shine some light in my darkness. He can’t fix anything until we offer it up to him. It’s still a war. I only won this battle.

But I couldn’t help feeling victorious. Even though the war’s not over. This battle reminded me –I know who wins. The war was fought and won long before I was ever even thought of. It was won on a cross 2,000 years ago when Jesus Christ took on all the sin and shame for the world and fulfilled his ultimate purpose. Through the name of Jesus, I have been given all power and authority to conquer.

I sleep easy – because I know who wins.

My brother made the observation that in 28 years of life, he has never once seen my father compromise his moral, ethical or spiritual standards in business or in life.  I have never once questioned whether or not my father would come home. I have never wondered if food would be provided. Over the last several years, I have watched my father transform from “that guy who pays the bills” to a loving, caring, providing man of God. I believe with all my heart my dad is doing exactly what he’s supposed to be doing because he makes it easy for me to understand who God is as a heavenly father. As a child who’s not old enough to have forgotten her teenage years, but old enough to know better I would like to offer some advice to father’s. You don’t always have to learn from experience, sometimes you can learn from examples. It’s your job to teach your sons to be men. Don’t just teach them to be “manly.” Instead, teach them to stand up for what they believe and give them an example of an unwaivering moral and ethical code. Teach them how to treat women and all people around them with respect. It’s your job to teach your daughters how they should be treated. Let them know that just settling for any guy isn’t good enough. If you treat them like ladies and treat them with respect, they will expect that same treatment from others. They will also learn to act in a way that commands that treatment. Let your children know how talented they are, find those gifts that God has blessed them with and do everything you can to develop them. Make sure you children understand they have your unwaivering support. I understand it’s a difficult task sometimes, but remember if you can love them unconditionally, eventually they will find it much easier to understand God’s unconditional love. Don’t just give your children answers to problems, teach them how to solve them. Don’t force your children into a religious experience. Instead, provide them with opportunities and an environment for them to have their own encounter with God. Remember, you may think high school was not that long ago, but it was. Some things haven’t changed, but it’s a different world now. Your children won’t always want to talk to you, that’s okay, just make sure they’re talking to someone.

My father has taught me the act of forgiveness. He’s taught me how to work hard and play harder. He’s taught me humility and the art of being humble. He’s taught me how to be generous and the importance of obedience. He’s treated me in a way that has left very few guys “good enough” for me. I’m a daughter of the king of the universe, and I know that because that’s how my dad treats me. I’m purposed and chosen. At 22 years old, I’m able to fly. But I always know there’s someone waiting at home.

The most valuable lesson I learned from my dad was 3 weeks ago after the most difficult conversation I’ve ever had with him. I began by telling my dad the last 3 years of my life have been filled with bad decisions and regrets. He stopped me by saying, “Lindsay, I knew there was something wrong, but I also knew you’d figure it out. I don’t need details, I’m just happy to know it’s over.” I spared my dad the gory details, but spoke a little about my drinking problem. My dad sat at the other side of the table silent for a few moments. Finally he responded, “I got drunk once. In Germany. I tried to pick a fight with a guy who was so tall my eyes came to his chest. I decided drinking wasn’t for me.” And with that I knew he had forgiven me and that my past would never be an issue with him.

So father’s be good to your daughters… you’re raising a child of the King.

If you’ve ever seen the art of a glass blower, you’ll understand the beauty. You can understand the time it took to find that perfect shade of color and the care in defining its shape. The passion that was put into the creation and the soft touch that carried it to its destination.

I like to think that as children of God we are all like his own artwork. I consider the passion he invested when he created us. God invested himself into us, but we subjected ourselves to the elements. The storms we’ve all experienced have weathered away what God created. We’ve all been damaged. You might have had that one moment that absolutely shattered you. A few seconds changed your life forever. Perhaps, you lost someone close to you, or someone hurt you. In a moment of weakness, you gave up something precious. Whatever the case may be you were broken into pieces.

Or maybe it took time to break you down. It could have been a bad relationship that chipped away little pieces of you daily, like an abusive parent. Maybe it was a boyfriend or girlfriend who made you feel like something less than a treasured child of God or a string of bad decisions leaving you feeling empty and alone.

Regardless of how you got there, we’ve all been there. The damage was done. It’s the point when you realize you’ve lost it all. You look around and all you can see are the broken pieces of what used to be you. In desperation, a futile attempt is made to put everything back together, but it’s like trying to tape the pieces of a broken vase back together and filling it with water. There are cracks and missing pieces. It’s not the same.

But in 2 Corinthians 5:17, God makes us a promise.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.” (NIV)

We can’t restore ourselves, nor should we want to. God wants to make us into a new creation. His desire is not just to restore us into our old selves. He wants to recreate you into someone new.

I am a new creation. I’m not the same person who was hurt and broken. I’m not the same person who made the bad decisions that left me in the bad situations. I’m not the same person who struggled with addiction, pain, deception and heartache. God has replenished and recreated me. And he did all these things for a reason. He didn’t do it so I could just be someone new. He did it so that I can be useful and I can fulfill the purpose he created me for.

God has radically transformed my life- in ways that are almost indescribable. So what happens when I don’t “feel” him? I grew up going to church, learning the verses, following the “rules”, saying the right prayers, attending every function, etc. At some point though, I reduced Christianity to be about me. I tithed, but I treated the church as though it were a high-yield stock. I was putting money in and expecting God to give me more money back. Instead of studying the bible to learn about God, I reduced it to being a really big, old self-help book. I knew that he was comforting in times of trouble, but what was I supposed to feel when there wasn’t trouble? I allowed my relationship with God to be based on my emotions. But here’s the thing, God is constant, and it’s my job to be obedient. Which means I don’t tithe for the return, I tithe because that’s what God commanded us to do. The bible is not just for self-help. It’s a chance for us to learn about the character of God and a guide for us to understand the Law of Christianity. God’s more than just a fuzzy blanket that I can wrap myself up in when things aren’t going my way. He’s a living God that has given me a purpose and walks beside me to guide me. So I’m done reducing God to something I can wrap my mind around and fit inside my pocket. I love listening to God talk to me, but I’ll take comfort when I don’t hear his voice because I know that means he’s already given me the tools and knowledge that I need to deal with that situation. As Christians, we have been given a royal inheritance that entitles us to life beyond just survival. We’re created with authority. Whether or not I hear his voice, or feel his presence doesn’t change who God is. I’m developing a realtionship with him, and I’m learning who he is. That knowledge of God will replace the emotional rollercoaster that so many Christians are left on. Sometimes we need the retreat of a camp or a weekend away. It’s time for renewal. But on those “in between” times, we have to remember just because our emotions have changed, he hasn’t.

It won’t be long before you know I have two nephews that I absolutely adore. Blake is 4 and Zak is 1 1/2. They put a smile on my face every time I see them. They remind me what it is to be imaginative and care-free. Most recently Blake has been trying so desperately to follow in his daddy’s footsteps of music. He wants to grow his hair long (which right now just kind of resembles a mullet) and he plays any instrument that he can find. For Christmas, Blake received a drum set. It’s nothing fancy just enough for him to learn. The other day I was sitting in the room with the drums and Blake ran over, grabbed his drum sticks and jumped up onto the seat. Without hesitation, he asked, “Hey Lindsay, do you wanna hear me rock?” I told him I’d love to hear him rock, and with that  he started pounding on the drums as loud and hard as could. The fact is he didn’t play a song or even resemble any type of beat, but when he was finished, he sat smiling. I was so proud of him, and you could tell he was proud of himself because he knew he rocked. I can’t help but imagine how God feels when we “rock” for him. He gives us these talents and abilities, and even though our performance of life may seem clumsy and off-beat, God is so proud of us. He’s proud because we’re rocking for him.My knowledge of God’s character tells me he’s not always interested in the song being perfect. He just wants us to be willing. God’s sitting back smiling just like I did with Blake. He’s listening intently because for  him, there’s nothing like listening to his children learn to rock. One day, Blake’s going to grow up, probably taller than me, and he will have learned the concept of rhythm and beat. I can’t imagine how excited I’ll be when his songs finally come together.  I also can’t imagine how proud God will be one day when I actually figure out the rhythm of life and I can rock my own song. So for now I say, rock out Baby Blake… I’m ready to rock a little bit myself.