hEAR mE rOCK

Be brave… “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” Joshua 1:9. God reminded them. He had already told them to be strong and courageous, but amidst their circumstances they needed to be reminded. BE BRAVE. Courage is not a result of a loud stubborn voice shouting over circumstances. Courage is when things are falling apart, and you don’t have an explanation and yet you still persevere. Courage is looking at all the pieces and saying, “I’ll try again tomorrow.” Let your faith be courageous. Be brave

Dream big… “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18. God was not created to live in the box you put him in. Let your faith know no limits. Don’t use reason as an excuse for why God can’t move. God is not logical. So fix your eyes on what is eternal. Dream eternally big dreams. Dream of a bettter world. Dream of a caring church. Dream of living in a way that puts a smile on God’s face.

Love sacrificially… “But God demonstrated his own love for us in this way. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8. It’s easy to say “I love you.” It’s easier to love someone who deserves it. But God commands us to love sacrificially. You may be willing to put your life on the line for your family or those closest to you. But would you lay down your life for someone who has hurt you? Would you sacrifice your posessions to show God’s love to someone who stole from you? Forgiving someone is a form of sacrificial love. No matter how much hurt they caused. No matter how much they stole. No matter the offense. God calls us to let it go. Loving sacrifically is not done often, but you will never be closer to God’s heart than when you show love in a way that costs you something to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Live simply….. Be brave. Dream big. Love sacrificially.

The 3 most overused phrases in my life in the last month…

1. “I’m going back to Carrabbas full-time for right now.” … This is the response to the ever so frequent question, “So what are you going to do now?” I’ve been overwhelmed by the amount of people concerned about my future recently. What’s funnier to me is the fact that the most common response I received was, “Oh well you’re still so young. You have so much ahead of you.” Thanks.. because at 23 I thought life was over . 

2. “That’s not going to help me fit into a bridesmaid dress in 6 weeks”.. The sheer volume of delcious food that has been offered to me is ridiculous. Unfortunately, I have the recurring nightmare that it’s December 7th and I have a $200 dress that I can’t fit into. So, believe me I’m making a list and December 8th shall be a day of gluttony.

3. “I don’t know”…  Sometimes I have just answered questions with it to avoid talking to people. But it’s a really a scary thing to admit. “What are you going to do now?” “I don’t know” “How are you going to pay for that beautiful new house?” “I don’t know” “Do you think they’re going to cut any more staff members?” “I don’t know” “What’s your next step in ministry?” “I don’t know” ” Are you going to leave Tampa?” “I don’t know” “How’s your family doing?” “I don’t know”…. those three little words that admit it’s out of my control. Those words that allow for uncertainty in what I’m doing. The idea that maybe I’m not the one who’s supposed to know… but… the peace of knowing I serve a God who does know… of knowing that just because things don’t seem to be in order doesn’t mean he’s forgotten about me… that peace… is beautiful. God makes things beautiful. Even the most painful, ugly and difficult things can be made beautiful when they’re a part of God’s masterpiece.

I’ve spent a better part of morning in prayer. Asking questions. I need to know the next step. I need to know what to do next.  I need to know who to talk to. I need to know where to invest time. I need answers

God said, “I just need you today.”

Does it matter where I’m “supposed” to be in a year if I forget what’s happening right now? Is it important who I’m going to be ministering to in five years if I can’t adequately reach the people around me right now?

It’s like standing out in an open field on a clear night and looking at the stars through a telescope. Sure, you can have an up close look at a couple stars through the lens. But what God wants you to do is sit the telescope aside, fall back into the grass and take in the whole scene… the millions of stars, the moon, the birds in the sky, feel the evening breeze, smell the grass…. Don’t be so focused on what you see through a narrow lens…. soak in EVERYTHING.

Today is what I have. So today is what I’ll take advantage of. Today is what I’ll be concerned with. I need to learn what I can.. today. I need to show love to whomever crosses my path.. today. I need to rest in the love of the Father.. today. I need to make sure those people I hold close know how much I love them.. today. I need to take one step towards my destiny .. today. I need to be broken to be used.. today. I need to honor my word.. today. How can I worry about tomorrow if I haven’t taken care of today?

Each day, I choose to be a part of life instead of wasting time trying to figure it out. God appears to show a blatant disregard for what we consider logical. So, I can waste time trying to explain it… or I can accept it. I can be consumed trying to discover that elusive “calling” everyone keeps talking about, or I can remember “the steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord.”

I can’t tell you who God is. I can’t define God for you. But God has given me a passion to communicate him in a way that let’s people discover who he is. It’s kind of like standing in front of a door. I can tell you my interpretation of what’s behind the door or I can find a way to open the door for you and let you discover it for yourself. Trying to figure out how to use that passion has left me so focused on the future I forget that God wants to use that passion.. today

Rambling? maybe… but things have never been so clear… now if you’ll excuse me… I have some things to do.. today

It officially happened. As of Thursday, I have officially been reduced to a part-time employee at Grace Family Church.

I’ve been unhappy there for a few months, but I continued to believe I was there for a purpose. And when the time would come that I was no longer being used, or learning what I needed to learn God would move me somewhere else. The truth is, for several weeks I have entertained the idea that maybe it was time to move. However, the comfort of having a steady income and benefits made it hard to walk away.

But now I’m being forced.

And surprisingly, I’m okay.

The thing is.. I don’t have to understand why I’m about to jobless. I don’t have to understand the timing. I don’t have to understand the circumstances. I don’t have to know what’s next or when it’s coming.

All I have to do is wait, and be ready to move when he says move. Pray for direction and when God shows me that direction… take that step.

The fact is.. my feelings are hurt. I’m scared, and I’m fighting bitterness towards the people involved. But all of those things are fleeting emotions, and God did not call us to live by our emotions.

I can’t be upset about this because my destiny is not determined by a group of men or an organization. My desitny is determined by God.

God, I am broken at your feet. I know that I have nothing to be scared about. I know that you provide strength through my weakness. I know that I may feel neglected right now, but I also know how concerned you are with me. I know that despite the fact I don’t understand this path right now, I can take comfort in the fact that you have not forgotten about me. You determine my destiny. You give me purpose. You provide. And all you ask is that I be ready. So God, I’m ready.

For the first time in my life, I’m learning how to fight. I suppose it’s the only disadvantage from the lifestyle I was raised in.

I come from a great family… a nice neighborhood… good schools… college education… trips and vacations… new cars…nice clothes…good food… lots of things.

Now, please understand, my parents taught me the value of things, and a good work ethic. Living overseas for several months taught me to be thankful for what I have. But the thing is… I never had to fight for any of it.

So here I am at 23 years old learning for the first time what it means to fight for something… what it means to be in the middle of opposition and still stand firm in what I believe…what it means to break stereotypes and overcome preconceived ideas…and it’s hard.

Part of me is so thankful I’ve never had to encounter this type of pressure before.. the other part wishing someone had told me that things will not always come so easily.

I think I’m going to spend the rest of my life fighting. I’m going to fight for the rights of people who have been silenced.

I’m going to fight the idea that censorship and uneducated people create the best group of followers. People need to be able to make informed decisions. They need the information.

I’m going to fight consumerism. This idea that says we make money to spend money. Let’s make money to survive, and what’s left over … let’s help others survive. I have absolutely no judgment towards having money, but my heart aches for those who have let money become their God.

I’m going to fight for the planet. One day this earth will be nothing but ashes to God. However, it is his creation so let’s offer some respect to it now.

I’m going to fight selfishness. The problem with selfishness is it’s rooted in ourselves.. and yet it affects EVERYONE around us.

Jesus was a humanitarian… and God is concerned with social issues. The closer I get to his heart the more I find his passion… and his passion is what lets me fight.

“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. 9 Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice” Proverbs 31:8-9

Regardless of how long I’ve been a Christian. I’m still so humbled by what happened on the cross.

I used to hate doing things to “beautify” the cross. Until I realized that despite the blood, the pain and the violence that took place on the cross… what actually happened there was beautiful. 

It’s so beautiful I can still smile every time I think about how much love poured out with his blood

I’m feeling a bit beat down. Like instead of being empowered, my passion is being crushed more often than not. Haha.. it might sound extreme.. but it’s how I feel.

I’m tired. I’m frustrated. I’m slightly confused… and yet I can’t stop soaking in the beauty of the cross. 

If you’re near my office currently, you’ll probably hear this song on repeat… 

“This is my prayer in the desert. When all that’s within me feels dry. This is my prayer in my hunger and need. My God is the God who provides.

This is my prayer in the fire. In weakness or trial or pain. There is a faith proved of more worth than gold. So refine me Lord through the flame.

I will bring praise. I will bring praise. No weapon formed against me shall remain. I will rejoice I will declare God is my victory and he is here

All of my life. In every season. You are still God and I have a reason to sing. i have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest. When favor and providence flow. I know I’m filled to be emptied again. The seed I’ve received I will sow.”

Yeah… it’s just SO beautiful…

Ahh… the prodigal son. He gets greedy.. leaves home.. eats pig slop.. comes back home.. big party.. blah blah blah.

But what about his brother? He stays home, works hard, can’t catch a break… and his little brother who’s been living the high life gets the party?

Maybe you can identify. You do everything right. You follow the rules. You work hard. And yet you end up watching the party for someone else. Unfortunately, I think that’s what has happened to a lot of Christians. Their sense of entitlement kicks in, and instead of celebrating when someone comes in, they want them to work just as hard to earn the acceptance.

Whether we admit it or not, we want people to earn it. Our pride wells up, and we want what we think we’ve earned. And we don’t think people should have blessings they didn’t earn.

The story isn’t just about the unconditional love of a father. It’s God reminding us that there will be opportunities for bitterness. When someone, who in our eyes, hasn’t earned something receives it. We have to remember none of us deserve grace. We don’t deserve to be blessed. We don’t earn it, and we can’t control it.

What we can control is how we respond. So, instead of screaming our injustices, let’s celebrate with our friends who have come home …

One week to help a thousand people see God better…

Put aside the petty.. selfish.. prideful.. insecure.. illogical…

Just put aside the crap. And help students see God. See I can’t adequately explain God to someone, but I can create an environment for that person to see him themselves. So, I’ll let go of my petty need to have what I think I need, and I’ll trust God to provide for me. I’ll stop acting like I’m good enough to deserve people’s respect, and I’ll humble myself as a servant to Christ. I’ll stop complaining that I’m not getting time to float a few laps in the lazy river, and I will thank God when I can stand in service and watch all the work come together and touch someone’s life.

Yeah.. that’s what I’ve got..

.. the next person to ask me where I see myself in a year is gonna receive a swift slap to the face.

I don’t know..okay. I’m trying to figure it out, but I don’t know. So, if you could stop asking.. that would be fantastic.

I can deal with work pressure. I can handle financial pressure. I can take relationship confusion. I can accept failure. But when all of those things come crashing into one point.. apparently, I’ve shown this last week that I am NOT capable of remaining calm and in control.

But maybe that’s the idea.. I’m not supposed to be in control. When I’ve got things under my control, then I’m walking blindly because.. I don’t know the future. I don’t know who’s struggling, and needs to be encouraged. I don’t know where my finances are going to come from… maybe that’s why I don’t know. I’ve held onto my control so tightly it just slipped right out of my hand.

I started writing this 5 days ago. I’ve read and re-read the first three parts over and over with no idea what to do with it. It’s taken 5 days to figure out the idea. See in order for me to walk forward I can’t continue to fixate on what’s around me… I have to focus on what’s ahead… and on who’s controlling it.

And to focus on what’s ahead, I have to remember why I’m doing what I’m doing it.

I’m doing it because.. they need it. I fear that in the business of ministry we’ve forgotten to look at the people we’re ministering to. We’ve stopped looking in their eyes and being concerned with their hearts. We’ve forgotten that every person has a story and every person either is or has the potential to be a God story.

I would be remiss in my faith to not make every effort to make sure everyone knows. To make the knowledge available to EVERYONE. Whether or not someone utlimately chooses to follow Christ is between them and the father, but if they can’t choose because they don’t know … then that’s on me.

As my control of situations is painfully being stripped away… as my heart continues to ache… as my failures begin to kill my pride…I’m beginning to remember that I’m not doing it for a group. I’m doing it for individuals. Individual people with individual needs and individual pain. As much as it hurts for me to lose things I hold so dear, my suffering is “nothing compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Jesus Christ for who’s sake I have lost all things.”

The same power that stood with David as he threw stones to defeat Goliath. The same power stopped Saul on the road to Damascus and guided him to change not only his name but his life. The same power that rested in the hands of Jesus Christ that healed the sick and raised the dead.

That’s the power in me. 

Obsessively, undeniably, indisputably.. that is what I’m about.

Regardless of our day, our feelings, our emotions or our circumstances. God is still great.

It would appear as though my generation has decided to treat God as though he were like a spiritual duct tape. A fix-all for whatever your problem. The ultimate solution. What could happen if we stopped trying to “make the sale” by pushing God like he’s about to go out of date. What if we actually just understood what God is about?

He’s about us. We’re not just his children.. we’re his creation. So, let’s stop wasting time arguing with each other about who’s right and who’s wrong. Let’s take some time away from focusing on whose performance is more “Christ-like” and let’s encourage one another when we need it and correct when it’s helpful.

This weekend I finished my first triathlon. Besides the fact I cried like a baby after I crossed the finish line, I found a very important principle throughout the race. Everyone.. and I mean everyone.. from the spectators to the life guards to the police directing traffic to the park employees.. everyone was encouraging me to finish. “Come on.” “You can do it” “You’re looking great” “You can see the finish” During that race, I didn’t need anyone to tell me that my swimming form wasn’t fantastic or I wasn’t riding the right bike. I needed to be encouraged. There’s a time for correction. As I go back into the gym to prepare for my next race, I can see the value of proper training and form. But sometimes we just need someone to remind us we’re doing good. A little push to keep fighting.

God is great. Even in our darkest hour, God is still God. Let’s stop acting God’s only good when we’re good. It’s a lie that has distorted an entire generation.

Encourage someone today. Even if you’re just trying to make things easier for them, sometimes we don’t need correction, sometimes we just need to know someone believes we can do it.